一切从神的爱开始

对不起..上帝..我是个让你失望伤心的孩子..
我真的需要一点感觉来推动自己..我不喜欢这样依靠感觉的自己..曾经有人告诉我不能这样依赖感觉..因为这是不行的..原来是真的不行..我没有感觉就什么都好像做不好..什么事情都没有心去理会..上帝..你帮助我..你让我重新振作起来..我知道还有你..所以我不会放弃..只是一直用这微微的力量去撑..我怕..我会在最后放弃它..不管是学业..人际关系..生活的问题..一切的一切..
我想做上帝心意的孩子..拥有基督徒的榜样..因为我想让别人从我身上看到基督徒的样式..我想传福音..我想做我应该为上帝做的事..可是我..我怕我有问题..我连自己都视乎都想放弃自己..又要怎样去帮助非基督徒..
从我洗礼的那一刻起..我就告诉自己..我不可以再像以前那样..那样的没有使命..不能再随便的浪费自己的人生..不能随便的给自己理由不去做应该做的事..所以我每天都灵修祷告..不缺席崇拜..这是基本的..我认为我应该要做到..可是感觉..感觉让我不满意自己..我觉得自己很像什么都没做好..
所以要努力树立一个基督徒的榜样..让别人从我身上看到所说的见证..惧怕只会让我远离上帝..
只有自己会了解自己是如何经历上帝的爱...上帝有多爱我们...惧怕不能使我们与上帝隔绝 ..
一切从神的爱开始..爱就是感觉..就是推动力..^^

I need Love

一整晚没睡..冷不住又哭..眼睛很痛..因为她又再一次的骂我..这一次比上次更凶..骂的感觉上都跟不上理由..我觉得很委屈..从来没有人会这样大声的骂我那些话..我很怕她..因为她很恐怖..一个完全不把笑容挂在脸上的人..我原本打算就忍耐多2-3个月..就大家好好不要吵架..过后我搬去别的房间..那就可以结束..结果你还是要以大声嚷嚷来解决..为什么你不可以用好好的语气来讲..总是要把局面弄得那么僵..我真的很害怕和你真的吵起来..所以尽量忍耐你..可是我昨晚还是讲了一些应该讲的话..那些话很有道理..可是我那软弱的心.不敢讲几句就没有..在讲下去也是吵架的..我不想吵..如果我错..我会道歉..可是我觉得你的态度我真的没有理由再静静的算了..
我不想再过过这种害怕回房间的生活..上帝呀..我知道这一定有你的意识..可是这一次我真的承受不到了..我不懂我的心还可以承受多少的泪水..这是你考验我的功课吗？...求你给我多一点的爱来对待别人..求你不要再让我受过于能受的..^^..上帝我爱你..感谢你也爱我!

Tears drop

我不敢讲..我不敢说..一次又一次的在心里梗咽然后哭泣..我只能问上帝..我可以坚持这一年吗？..我不断的告诉自己有上帝和我同在..不用害怕..这是祂预备的..只要跟随..我很害怕我做不好..除了祷告...我不知道可以向谁来倾诉...多少句的我可以来劝服自己..有没有人告诉我是不是该放下..我不是一个可以每天捧着书来读书的人..一想到还有许许多多的东西要去记要去背..一大堆搞不懂的数学题..我就会崩溃..每到星期五..我就会哭..我就会怕..又到了要啃书本的周末..没有一次可以愿意的想去读书..我讨厌下课..下课后又想逼自己去读书..没有读书又有罪恶感..没有结束的读书..就算是考完试也没有结束的时候..就算是短短的一年..我都好害怕好害怕的去想..我不知道我还可以走去那里..妈妈..我很想问你..我可以放弃吗？..

Just follow His steps

I do not know why I cry again..Just because my feeling..Im sad..depressed..even today i cried in class..It was the first time..I could not find the reason why I got such emotional feeling..Just want to give off all my unhappy feeling..nothing let me cry but i just want to cry..A child..I think I still a child...

This song..为主来梦想..the lyric really touch my heart and suit my feeling now..I miss my life when I was young..with my family with my friends..the love at Kluang..^^
相片裡
兒時的模樣
記錄著
年少的時光
曾經在
你我的心中
要登上月亮
要飛越太平洋
多年後
我們都成長
告別了青澀和迷惘
曾經在
你我的心中
編織的夢想
是否已遺忘
人生的理想
是為主發光
拭去了淚水
使我們更堅強
路依然漫長
別失去盼望
痛苦時記得有主在你身旁
為主來夢想
為主來發光
雖然有挫折
但我不用沮喪
主是我力量
主指引方向
我們的日子有夢想
有燦爛的陽光

God already prepare everything and lead the way for me..I do not know why He give me a tough way..but I think there is a reason upon Him ..the only thing is just follow Him..Nothing to be afraid with Him..^^

Friday..Homesick..

又是星期五..星期五总是让我想家..所以每次都很期待可以回去的那个星期..其实真的不可以这样..我还要在这里这么久..不可以这样下去..我想念家人..在这里其实的感觉一点都不好..那时成长的感觉..从以前开始的我就不喜欢那两个字'成长'..
一边写blog..一边听着以前33给我的一张album..是一张婚礼的cd..叫做我们爱神因为神先爱我们..我很喜欢听里面的音乐..轻轻柔柔的音乐..以前每次考试很紧张就会在读书之前拿来听听舒缓情绪..很久没开来听..现在开来听..很有回忆的感觉..^^
考完midterm test..我整个人都在放空..没有听课..maths的differentiation整课都没有在听..很讨厌数学 ..每次一要上这堂课..我就好害怕..law很是随便敷衍得听听...都不记得整个courts在讲什么..在这样下去我都不懂要怎么办....考试又考到乱乱差差..没有用心去考..班上的人都考到很好..我很怕我真的没有那种头脑可以像他们一样..来这里读书之前答应自己要做到最好..要用功读书去实现梦想..现在的我又算什么..一下努力..一下放弃..没有保持..又怎样可以坚持到最后..
我没有时间再给我浪费..我一定要每天读书..我要好成绩..我要出国留学..可是对我来讲为什么总是那么困难？..
我不可以再像以前那样..懒懒散散..敷衍了事..我要改变..
他都已经在努力的改变着..而我还在原地踏步...我很幼稚的生气你好像不理我...那一晚我想了很多...经过时间的带领..你一直在努力的进步自己..我真的希望你可以努力成为你想要成为的..所以我不会再生气了..我也不会在扰你..我也不需要再持守着以前的的回忆....我想以你为一点点的榜样..^^那曾经真诚的在意..我不会再让它在我心里..

                挺可爱的的背影^^..哈哈哈哈...

Loading to a better life

Tomorrow my starting point to become better and better!!...Finally my church 献堂礼 already finish on yesterday..it is great event and we celebrate joyfully..Happy birthday to my lovely Herald Presbyterian church^^hahaha...A few more days i am going to enjoy my 1 week holiday...hooray for holidays..but i think that is not enough for me!!..it is only 1 week..many thing are waiting for me to do it..and the time are not enough..TT..i also want to study in this holiday...because my mid-term exam will be around mid of September..I am so afraid about it...long essay answer make me in trouble...everything are gonna to memories and memories...understand and understand...I am going to beat my brains out and figure them out..but i cannot sure i can understand them totally..with this familiar phase "nothing is impossible with our God lead..help..and power"...all the glory to our God..Amen..^^

 I want to go seaside!!...i want to enjoy sunset glow..snorkeling in the bright sky-blue sea water..the sea breeze blow on me..It is fresh! excited! happiness! ^^

look at the future...

ohhh..about 1 month..my jiejie gonna to leave malaysia to have her oversea study in Manchester..wow..very congrat to her can continue her study in UK...and i am waiting for her graduation because i can go to UK on that time ..hehehe^^..i think that is too early to think about such thing..hahahaha...

yesterday we just went for her Pre-departure briefing by Manchester uni..It make me having a feel..but i do not know how to describe the feeling..but i hope that i also can have oversea study in future..I sincerely hope that i can leave Malaysia..hahaha....i hope i can have a 外国人as my future husband^^...opps..this show me i think too much..hehe..So the most important thing is achieve good result in A-level..study hard hard hard...!!!!...Study Hard is actually is just a simple word..but why that is so HARD to do it..haizzzzz....I want to change my attitude when studying..I wanna to found a more suitable way for me to work it hard..Aza..aza..fighting..^^

recall some momories..ready to meet my 18 years old..

It is the time for me to update my blog..but i feel like nothing to write... i feel my life is lack of some energy..I need the energy to let my life become more wonderful..I need some energy to continue my goal..where can i get the energy..when i am in secondary school..i think love will be the power to move on..one of my friend tell me '为了一双眼睛而努力'..i am a person that will do it this way..sometime i feel that i need this love to motivate myself...A very long time din see him..although the feel is not strong enough now..but i quite miss the time with him..if can..wanna to be more closely friend again..he maybe already forget about me..nevermind.i dun care..I just dun want to forget about him..today is a lonely friday..the raining day make me recall about him..

 I really miss the time when i was young..i was carry a powerpuff girl bag to sg with lao e..enjoyed a delicious sg laksa in hawker centre..but this laksa shop already move to other place..and i could not found it again since a long time...with the time pass..everything has change...bye my ignorant younger time..i am ready to meet my 18 years old..^^Hope i can have a memorable 18th birthday^^.....

      skip to a glorious way of life..that is live in  the way we want!!!..

可以吗?

谁可以来让我倾诉我的一切..我很怕..我一直认为我有能力熬过去..可是..现在不是我用功努力的问题了..是我怕到半夜都会吓醒..坐在床上一直哭..我真的很怕我考不好..我无法胜任...我一直相信这一条路是对的..可是直到昨天..我的头脑一直想一直想..我越来越怀疑..我越来越害怕..
我本是想责怪你..为什么要为我决定一条这么难的道路..难道就没有其他的选则..以后可以link出国..可是我懂我没有理由去怪你..所以当我想和你分享我面对的一切..你为什么要那样说..我真的没有想过你会讲这种话..所以我不会再把我的事情告述你..对你...我要永远的沉默..所以你现在对我说鼓励的话...抱歉..我连一句都觉得很不开心！！！....
我明白没有东西是容易的..要成功..就要付出代价..现在的我很害怕..是不是我付出了..就一定可以..那一本一本厚厚的书..我看到真的觉得很困...我有时在想如果我去help读..他也是一样难...我就可以把我的努力和梦想连接..A level我真的看不到他和我的未来有什么关系..可是我已经没有回头的路..也没有理由去说早知道这3个字...只有不断的努力..看看最后的成果..

                              对上帝要有信心..道路有多难走..祂会是我们随时的帮助..

我真的可以坚持到最后吗？..我真的可以每天不断的读那些厚厚的书？..我真的可以每天都在做练习吗？...TT哭完了..又再一次刚强起来！！！..

21 june ^^

Finally my mpw presentation is over..hooray!!!..happy!!!..actually this is not the time for me to happy right now..after my mpw classes..i will start my a level classes..haha..that must be a time for me to study hard..i wan be the top student same with baba..^^...This week i will go for a trip in port dickson..i dun have any excited feel..but i know i got excited feel to go back to my hometown kluang!!..hehe...^^

 wow..this is my cute daughter..pigpiglet..i love it so much^^

How am i going to achieve my AIM!!!...so many thing i wan to do..and it take a long time if really din care it so much..i wait for too long..i dun wan to envy people anymore..i wan be the ONE tat....i know tat..hehe^^
I know i am envy so many people..before that i am not like that..i believe in GOD..i strongly believe that GOD will prepare anything that is suitable for me..but now i am back to the fomer!!..i scare i will a bit to hate myself..i am the one who want to baptise soon..but the meaning for this is lost..how??..i scare this religion is only the practice..not from my heart sincerely..even now i am lazy to Pray..i am very scare..
Gambateh for life..never give up..my belief..my a level study..my AIM..my dream..myself!!!!...^^

currently like this girl so much..hehe..she is from the korea group Miss A..suzy and the actor of dreamhigh..this girl is so pretty and cute..i like her hair colour..and i have the motion to dye my hair to this colour..but my friend said dye this colour will spoil the hair..and i dun think this colour will suit my skin colour..because i am so dark..TT..haizzzz..

improve ENG^^

Today my post will be using English..Although my english is so poor..super terrible grammar mistake..but now i want to improve..i want to learn..i dun like english music..now i want give try to enjoy eng music..i dun like eng movie..but i want watch..Begin from now..because of my cambridge A level..because i want to go oversea to study..i want many thing!!..i want give a try to speak eng proudly..loudly..!!!..

taking a 38 picture with  my little piglet ^^..haha

since a long time din write anything in blog..because of LAZY to update..hehe^^
Now i am quite enjoy with my new life..new AIM..i meet all my new friends..they are good and quite nice to talk..before enter inti..i scare i am alone..i scare i cannot have fren at here..but with GOD lead..everything is going on very smoothly..cannot say that is very smooth..because the most important things haven come true..hehe..start from JULY..my a level lesson will be start..that will a busy life for me..many people say that a level is so difficult..hard...dun care about that..just keep on going..strive..will be a suceess..

Next tuesday will be the presentation day for my mpw..actually..i have a bit afraid..This is the 1st time i will speak eng on the stage..wearing a formal attire..hehe..it is quite exited n fear..haha..
 An unhappy thing is that...inti life make me FAT..because of my burger meal..my kg increase..TT..haizzzz..so now i would like to have self control..hehe..because i dun wan be a fat fat girl..i am so short!!!cannot FAT!!!!..
Next month i am going to participate a CAMP..i dun know why i am so happy and exited with this camp..hehe..this is the 1st time i participate this type of meaningful camp..hehe..it is call hungry30..lol..^^
so this coming holiday..i have a special JOB to do..hehehe...everyone which want to donate money to poor people and show your concern to this society..please come and see me..!!..i will help your..hehe..

season^^

之前的blog因为忘记密码而进不去了..所以现在create了新的account..开始时是很伤心的..累积了这么多么用心去写的blog..不能再接下去..讲真的..我很难过..可是试了很多次..还是进不去..
就当作是一个新的开始吧..^^...很多的不舍得..可是也没办法了..
再一次的努力创造属于自己的每一天..去珍惜..去拥有..去奋斗..去争取..每一天的快乐与幸福..我会努力的把回忆用文字来记录..以前现在未来..想永远的回忆..
The changing season of my life取之于我的人生每一个季节..我的生活..我的人生..
不断的努力的过每一天的生活..aza aza fighting...