I need Love

一整晚没睡..冷不住又哭..眼睛很痛..因为她又再一次的骂我..这一次比上次更凶..骂的感觉上都跟不上理由..我觉得很委屈..从来没有人会这样大声的骂我那些话..我很怕她..因为她很恐怖..一个完全不把笑容挂在脸上的人..我原本打算就忍耐多2-3个月..就大家好好不要吵架..过后我搬去别的房间..那就可以结束..结果你还是要以大声嚷嚷来解决..为什么你不可以用好好的语气来讲..总是要把局面弄得那么僵..我真的很害怕和你真的吵起来..所以尽量忍耐你..可是我昨晚还是讲了一些应该讲的话..那些话很有道理..可是我那软弱的心.不敢讲几句就没有..在讲下去也是吵架的..我不想吵..如果我错..我会道歉..可是我觉得你的态度我真的没有理由再静静的算了..
我不想再过过这种害怕回房间的生活..上帝呀..我知道这一定有你的意识..可是这一次我真的承受不到了..我不懂我的心还可以承受多少的泪水..这是你考验我的功课吗？...求你给我多一点的爱来对待别人..求你不要再让我受过于能受的..^^..上帝我爱你..感谢你也爱我!

Tears drop

我不敢讲..我不敢说..一次又一次的在心里梗咽然后哭泣..我只能问上帝..我可以坚持这一年吗？..我不断的告诉自己有上帝和我同在..不用害怕..这是祂预备的..只要跟随..我很害怕我做不好..除了祷告...我不知道可以向谁来倾诉...多少句的我可以来劝服自己..有没有人告诉我是不是该放下..我不是一个可以每天捧着书来读书的人..一想到还有许许多多的东西要去记要去背..一大堆搞不懂的数学题..我就会崩溃..每到星期五..我就会哭..我就会怕..又到了要啃书本的周末..没有一次可以愿意的想去读书..我讨厌下课..下课后又想逼自己去读书..没有读书又有罪恶感..没有结束的读书..就算是考完试也没有结束的时候..就算是短短的一年..我都好害怕好害怕的去想..我不知道我还可以走去那里..妈妈..我很想问你..我可以放弃吗？..

Just follow His steps

I do not know why I cry again..Just because my feeling..Im sad..depressed..even today i cried in class..It was the first time..I could not find the reason why I got such emotional feeling..Just want to give off all my unhappy feeling..nothing let me cry but i just want to cry..A child..I think I still a child...

This song..为主来梦想..the lyric really touch my heart and suit my feeling now..I miss my life when I was young..with my family with my friends..the love at Kluang..^^
相片裡
兒時的模樣
記錄著
年少的時光
曾經在
你我的心中
要登上月亮
要飛越太平洋
多年後
我們都成長
告別了青澀和迷惘
曾經在
你我的心中
編織的夢想
是否已遺忘
人生的理想
是為主發光
拭去了淚水
使我們更堅強
路依然漫長
別失去盼望
痛苦時記得有主在你身旁
為主來夢想
為主來發光
雖然有挫折
但我不用沮喪
主是我力量
主指引方向
我們的日子有夢想
有燦爛的陽光

God already prepare everything and lead the way for me..I do not know why He give me a tough way..but I think there is a reason upon Him ..the only thing is just follow Him..Nothing to be afraid with Him..^^

Friday..Homesick..

又是星期五..星期五总是让我想家..所以每次都很期待可以回去的那个星期..其实真的不可以这样..我还要在这里这么久..不可以这样下去..我想念家人..在这里其实的感觉一点都不好..那时成长的感觉..从以前开始的我就不喜欢那两个字'成长'..
一边写blog..一边听着以前33给我的一张album..是一张婚礼的cd..叫做我们爱神因为神先爱我们..我很喜欢听里面的音乐..轻轻柔柔的音乐..以前每次考试很紧张就会在读书之前拿来听听舒缓情绪..很久没开来听..现在开来听..很有回忆的感觉..^^
考完midterm test..我整个人都在放空..没有听课..maths的differentiation整课都没有在听..很讨厌数学 ..每次一要上这堂课..我就好害怕..law很是随便敷衍得听听...都不记得整个courts在讲什么..在这样下去我都不懂要怎么办....考试又考到乱乱差差..没有用心去考..班上的人都考到很好..我很怕我真的没有那种头脑可以像他们一样..来这里读书之前答应自己要做到最好..要用功读书去实现梦想..现在的我又算什么..一下努力..一下放弃..没有保持..又怎样可以坚持到最后..
我没有时间再给我浪费..我一定要每天读书..我要好成绩..我要出国留学..可是对我来讲为什么总是那么困难？..
我不可以再像以前那样..懒懒散散..敷衍了事..我要改变..
他都已经在努力的改变着..而我还在原地踏步...我很幼稚的生气你好像不理我...那一晚我想了很多...经过时间的带领..你一直在努力的进步自己..我真的希望你可以努力成为你想要成为的..所以我不会再生气了..我也不会在扰你..我也不需要再持守着以前的的回忆....我想以你为一点点的榜样..^^那曾经真诚的在意..我不会再让它在我心里..

                挺可爱的的背影^^..哈哈哈哈...

Loading to a better life

Tomorrow my starting point to become better and better!!...Finally my church 献堂礼 already finish on yesterday..it is great event and we celebrate joyfully..Happy birthday to my lovely Herald Presbyterian church^^hahaha...A few more days i am going to enjoy my 1 week holiday...hooray for holidays..but i think that is not enough for me!!..it is only 1 week..many thing are waiting for me to do it..and the time are not enough..TT..i also want to study in this holiday...because my mid-term exam will be around mid of September..I am so afraid about it...long essay answer make me in trouble...everything are gonna to memories and memories...understand and understand...I am going to beat my brains out and figure them out..but i cannot sure i can understand them totally..with this familiar phase "nothing is impossible with our God lead..help..and power"...all the glory to our God..Amen..^^

 I want to go seaside!!...i want to enjoy sunset glow..snorkeling in the bright sky-blue sea water..the sea breeze blow on me..It is fresh! excited! happiness! ^^

look at the future...

ohhh..about 1 month..my jiejie gonna to leave malaysia to have her oversea study in Manchester..wow..very congrat to her can continue her study in UK...and i am waiting for her graduation because i can go to UK on that time ..hehehe^^..i think that is too early to think about such thing..hahahaha...

yesterday we just went for her Pre-departure briefing by Manchester uni..It make me having a feel..but i do not know how to describe the feeling..but i hope that i also can have oversea study in future..I sincerely hope that i can leave Malaysia..hahaha....i hope i can have a 外国人as my future husband^^...opps..this show me i think too much..hehe..So the most important thing is achieve good result in A-level..study hard hard hard...!!!!...Study Hard is actually is just a simple word..but why that is so HARD to do it..haizzzzz....I want to change my attitude when studying..I wanna to found a more suitable way for me to work it hard..Aza..aza..fighting..^^

recall some momories..ready to meet my 18 years old..

It is the time for me to update my blog..but i feel like nothing to write... i feel my life is lack of some energy..I need the energy to let my life become more wonderful..I need some energy to continue my goal..where can i get the energy..when i am in secondary school..i think love will be the power to move on..one of my friend tell me '为了一双眼睛而努力'..i am a person that will do it this way..sometime i feel that i need this love to motivate myself...A very long time din see him..although the feel is not strong enough now..but i quite miss the time with him..if can..wanna to be more closely friend again..he maybe already forget about me..nevermind.i dun care..I just dun want to forget about him..today is a lonely friday..the raining day make me recall about him..

 I really miss the time when i was young..i was carry a powerpuff girl bag to sg with lao e..enjoyed a delicious sg laksa in hawker centre..but this laksa shop already move to other place..and i could not found it again since a long time...with the time pass..everything has change...bye my ignorant younger time..i am ready to meet my 18 years old..^^Hope i can have a memorable 18th birthday^^.....

      skip to a glorious way of life..that is live in  the way we want!!!..